Growing up, my family was highly spiritual, but not religious. Over the years, we would routinely attribute to “God” events and circumstances that were inexplicable in ordinary terms. Like when my father “saw” that my brother had gotten into an accident before anyone had informed him about it. Or when any of us would have a dream that later turned out to be true. For our family, God was more about things like intuition, energy, and inexplicable coincidences. However, even despite my strong spiritual awareness throughout my life, my belief in God had always been based on faith.
That all changed for me in July 2010. That was when my belief in an intelligent universe went from being based on faith, to being unequivocally based on fact. The events that follow showed me with absolute and unequivocal certainty that we and God, in fact, are one.
In July 2010, a severe thunderstorm tore through our neighborhood. At one point, I heard a loud, crashing sound that sounded like an explosion. I then heard glass breaking toward the back of our house, in the area of the kitchen. I crept toward the kitchen to investigate and saw glass scattered across the floor. As I got a little closer, I saw that one of the huge trees that lined the back of our house had fallen and broken several windows.
Even as the thunderstorm raged on, all I could think about was picking my children up from summer camp. I grabbed my keys and headed out the door, but was stopped in my tracks when I discovered that the car would not start. It was a new car in excellent condition, so the car not starting seemed very strange. Fortunately, I was able to contact a neighbor whose children went to the same camp; she agreed to pick up my children along with her own.
When my neighbor arrived, she began to excitedly explain that she had to take an alternate route because a huge tree had fallen across the narrow road leading to our neighborhood. From the fallen trees and scattered branches, my neighbor thought a tornado had come through.
After learning how intense the storm was, the thought occurred to me: “What would have happened if I had been able to start the car?” Given the timing, I quite possibly could have driven directly into the storm’s path. I remember praying to God and thanking Him for intervening to save my life, and quite possibly, the lives of my children.
I was eager to tell someone about what happened, so I called my mother. As I was on the phone explaining what happened, I went to the window where the tree fell. As I was looking out, I noticed another tree in the same area. What happened next is impossible to understand or explain in any words or feelings typically associated with this world. As I was looking at the tree, I was overcome with the sensation that the tree had a presence I had never seen before. The initial feeling was so unsettling that I actually gasped. I told my mother that I needed to call her back.
My perspective then started to shift. I felt a presence everywhere. Not only was there a presence everywhere, but that presence knew me personally. I had never experienced such a feeling before. Yet, as soon as I felt it, a familiarity and knowingness swept through me. I remember putting my hands to my face and having a thought along the lines of “Of course.” It was as if this knowledge was not new. Whatever it was I came to know that day, I somehow already knew it.
From that point, I had a feeling that can best be described as expanding. I felt like I was expanding into the universe. At the same time, I was the universe. I was infinite and specific at the same time. The experience filled me with what I will describe as divine ecstasy. I remember laughing and giggling and smiling and being filled with intense love and joy.
The feeling continued to expand and grow to the point where I remember feeling I could not bear it. I was the universe and the universe was also me. The circularity of it was literally mind-boggling. I was overjoyed to be imparted with this divine knowledge. But at the same time, I also started to remember “me” – the one with children and a family.
Almost as soon as I had that thought, the realization started to shift in the other direction. I started to become conscious of a body. I then became conscious of everything else: my hands, my feet, my eyes, my mouth. I realized that I was connected to a body that allowed me to speak and to see and to interact with this world.
After that, I became aware that I was in my home. But even then the divine encounter did not end. Right there, in the dining room of my home, a communication started to take place between me (or rather some part of me) and this “presence” which I interpreted as the universe. Although I was aware of the communication, I could not understand it, nor could I control it. I was merely an observer. The communication was essentially taking place through my body. I remember having the thought that I would not be able to interact with my children “like this.” Upon this thought, I was suddenly fully back in control of my body.
Once I was fully myself again, I began to realize the magnitude of the experience. I felt like I had been given a rare and precious gift: I was given proof that “God” existed and that the universe was conscious and alive. Before this experience, I would pray to God as if He were an inaccessible and unknowable entity. My belief in God was based on faith. After the experience, however, I knew there was no separation between us and God. That we are, in fact, one with God. I knew with absolute certainty that there is, in fact, an intelligent and conscious presence or energy that permeates everything in existence.
Whether we call it “God,” “the universe,” or something else, there is, in fact, only one – one presence that is alive, intelligent, and conscious. And, more importantly, this presence is a part of us and we were a part of it. There is only one consciousness that operates like a continuum: On one end we are “separate” living beings living in a material reality; on the other end we are a part of the infinite consciousness we know as “God.” Where we fall on this continuum is a matter of perspective, perception, or realization. There is absolutely no separation. We are, in fact, one – one spirit, one energy, one consciousness, one presence.
Following the experience, I was filled with an intense and unyielding desire to broaden my understanding of spiritual issues and to gain a deeper spiritual understanding. I knew my experience was what would be described as “divine.” However, at the time, I had a very limited understanding of the deeper meaning of what had occurred. To further my understanding, I began reading and researching incessantly about the topic of spiritual awakening. It became a passion, and perhaps even an obsession. I read countless books on a range of subjects, including spiritual and biblical texts to purely academic writing on such topics as philosophy, psychology, religion, physics. I was interested in obtaining an informed, intelligent, and well-rounded view of what we refer to as “God” from as many angles as possible – from the purely divine to the religious to the scientific.
My spiritual experience felt deeply intimate and personal. However, I knew it was intended not just for me. I knew that I was not imparted with indisputable proof that we are at one with God experiencing itself as the universe for me for me to keep that experience to myself. I had a strong desire to use the knowledge and insight I had gained in some way that could be beneficial to others. At the time, I just did not know how.
It was not until 2017 that had the opportunity to truly consider how I could devote my time to pursuing my passion in the subject. After working as an attorney for the past twenty years, I came to a point in my career where I had to make a choice: I could continue working as an attorney, a career path I chose out of fear and a job I never enjoyed. Or, I could leave the corporate world and use this time to truly discover who I was and how I wanted to live out the remainder of this human experience. Fortunately, I chose the latter. I was fully aware that I had reached a crossroads in my life, and I wanted to give myself an opportunity to appreciate the full extent of the possibilities available to me in this moment.
I know with absolute certainty that I would like to spend the rest of my life broadening my knowledge of spiritual matters, practices, and experiences. I would be happy to spend the rest of my days in this realm reading, researching, discussing and exploring these issues. Ideally, I would like to apply my passion for these issues in a manner that allows me to continue growing as a person, and to contribute to the betterment of society. Perhaps my direct and personal experience with the divine energy can be used as a basis to lead others to spiritual awakening. Now that I know for certain what my true passion in life is, I remain open to any and all possibilities and opportunities the universe may present to me that will allow me to fulfill them.
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