Today I discovered that two of our Level 1 participants have been giving private pages to someone who didn’t purchase the course. They gave her the private link to a webinar which they enrolled in and paid for but she didn’t. When I asked, the recipient said that her friends “help” each other. How long have they been doing this I wondered? What other materials have they given to others not enrolled? It got me thinking: When is helping not helpful?
Helping is not helpful when it prevents the recipient from creating for themselves. In this particular case, the recipient has a long-time habit of low havingness. She holds a belief that she is a struggling artist and therefore continues to be one. She also believes that to be spiritual is to give her art away and be financially challenged. She is. Her helpers continue to keep her dis-empowered when they give to her instead of encouraging her to create for herself. They have even purchased classes she couldn’t afford instead of supporting her in her personal growth and her ability to create a new habit of success for herself. The ability to have is the ability to receive what you create for yourself.
For many, giving and helping is what it means to be a “lightworker”. They believe that by continually giving to and sharing with those who can’t afford is their mission and spiritual job. What many on both sides of the giving/accepting coin don’t observe is how this habit can keep the habit of lack in place. Instead of changing the thought pattern of lack, the recipient can continue to receive and receive, rather than create for herself.
Helping is not helpful when the recipient isn’t interested in the gift. When he isn’t asking or in alignment with the gift offered. We’ve all done this in some form or another. The helpful son who gives his ailing mother all the advice, herbs and expensive oils that would heal her. Only to discover after her passing a cupboard full of his “gifts”. Mom couldn’t have or receive the alternatives offered. She chose instead to stay in her familiar belief of illness. Giving help to someone who can’t have it is a waste of energy and time. And money. It feels like a slap in the face when one discovers their gifts were not appreciated. “I just want to help my mother.” Sometimes this isn’t helping, it’s meddling. The other person is not interested or asking. Stopping to discern and understand this habit in yourself can make a very big difference in your own spiritual growth. The son was meddling, not helping. Mom wasn’t interested.
This is an interesting concept and a subtle unconscious habit many have. It is very easy to rationalize our actions of unconsciously helping or accepting. As you read this, you might notice if you find yourself making up really excellent excuses for that action. (She’s my friend. He is out of work. Its my spiritual duty. He is my dad.) On the flip-side, notice if you are defending your desire to accept what you didn’t create (I’m a retiree I’m depressed. I’m disabled. I’m unemployed).
What does the helper receive when she helps in this way?
A sense of value. The giver might be convinced she a valuable asset to her friends’ well-being if she gives them something they are not creating for themselves. It might also be a way of buying their friendship. The unconscious thinking could be, “They will like me if I give them this stuff.” Is this a balanced, healthy way to live?
The helper also receives a sense that they are doing their spiritual duty, or their duty as a son-daughter/partner/sibling.“Helping others proves I’m a good person, a spiritual person, I’m not selfish”. You are giving them fish instead of allowing your friends to learn to fish for themselves.
It’s really none of your business why your friend or family member is experiencing what they are, nor your responsibility to fix it. Being available to assist if they ask for your assistance is one thing. Healing because it is what you are supposed to do is quite another. Doing so disrupts the energy flow of abundance and personal power. Yours and theirs.
What does the receiver receive when she habitually accepts?
A continuation of the pattern of dependency and personal lack. “If others give me my classes/supplements/healing balms for free, I don’t have to be responsible for my own financial well-being.” When we continue to accept the “help” we are undermining our power to create for ourselves and we remain in victim-mode, dependent, powerless and not responsible for our creations. By continuing to accept fish, you are refusing to learn how to fish for yourself.
How to break these patterns of helping and accepting
Awareness then action. 96 percent of any personal change is to become aware of the habit you are in (include arguing for why you should remain in the habit). 3 percent is laughing at what you discovered. 1 percent is taking a small step. Decide to change the habit. Try the simple, do-able action such as saying “No thank you”.
If you have the habit of “helping” others, notice if you are resisting these words. After you listen to yourself rationalize this habit of helping, ask yourself “What am I getting from this habit? What motivates me?” Try this exercise without using the words “helping”, “sharing”, “uplifting” (or similar words).
If you are in the habit of accepting what you did not create for yourself, notice if you are in resistance to what is mentioned here also. After your mind makes a few excuses to defend this behavior of taking what you didn’t create, ask yourself this, “Where in my space, my history and beliefs do I hold the belief of not being capable of creating success and abundance for myself? Where in my space is the phrase and belief of “I can’t?”
What is the best, most effective way to help others? Become masterful of your own actions. BE the master. Demonstrate living on a higher platform of awareness. See and reinforce the abundance others have already created for themselves and don’t feed their ideas of lack or helplessness. Show them what is possible if they use their personal power. As you demonstrate yours. It is very possible to be the light on the candlestick so all around you can choose to empower themselves.
Mastering Alchemy is about increasing awareness and making choices from a higher platform. What platform are you standing upon? You are big and important. Don’t let those 3D habits of taking (or) giving what isn’t yours, and accepting habits of lack keep you stuck in this energy. Once you step out of that pattern, you will be amazed at what abundance and opportunity stands before you.
And now it truly belongs to you.
A Morning Conversation video on “Havingness” is here.
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By Jim Self
The greatest compliment you can give us is to share this page with your friends who would enjoy reading it.
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Credit : written by Jim Self and Roxane Burnett. More information about the authors can be found here www.masteringalchemy.com.
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